When the Cup is Full

What do you do when you can’t squeeze one more drop of pain and angst in? Not one more email with bad news. Not one more missing COVID result. Where do you go and how do you empty what seems to be on constant overflow?

Yesterday I woke exhausted once again after a night of mind spins. What is happening to Dad right now? Does my kid have COVID again? Who can I contact that will help the Essential Caregiver Act?

I pulled out all my tools. I sat before my altar in gratitude. I forced marched myself and the dog up the hills of Arroyo Verde with an inspirational playlist crammed in my ears. I took a hot shower with essential oils and Jai Jagdeesh filling the air. I snuggled with my kid (fuck COVID). I laughed with my husband and schemed towards a better day.

Then at 3am, I woke up and my mind spun all over again. I cried. I prayed. I gave myself the Mother of All Energy Clearing Treatments. I slept with an amethyst crystal underneath my pillow. (Cause why the fuck not.)

Today I woke up a little lighter… until I read the news.

Lesson #1 of Nervous Breakdowns: Don’t read the news.

And then I checked my email. STILL no COVID results. And the nearest rapid test is in Vegas.

Lesson #2 of Nervous Breakdowns: Don’t check your email.

While I was checking email I could hear my child vomiting downstairs, an upgrade from headache and mild nausea.

Lesson #3 of Nervous Breakdowns: Ignore your sick child.

I can stop reading the news, jump off of social media and find 100 other ways to avoid more dirty water being added to my overflowing cup, but there will always be something that must be faced. And faced with grace and compassion. Today, that is my barfy kid.

I am exhausted. This morning I started crying when I read that our former president is quoted as saying that the Jan. 6 rioters were “hugging and kissing the police and the guards”. I should have been laughing, but I’m finding my way back to that. For now, I’m sitting with all of it and letting whatever needs to find its way out.

Then I’ll write up my pitch for the Day Drinking Moms Podcast idea I had this morning when calling my kid’s school.

Lesson #4 of Nervous Breakdowns: There are no lessons.